Where to begin? That would be the first question one would ask oneself, perhaps, after viewing the newest installment of the Indiana Jones franchise: “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull”. I suppose I WILL begin by stating that this post will include some spoilers, so here we go:
***SPOILER ALERT***
So what makes Indiana Jones… Indy? The first thing that comes to mind when asked that particular question is his mischievous smirk that comes right before doing something so mind-bogglingly risky that it leaves you with a lingering “wow” escaping your lips. That and a bunch of witty one-liners to ease any situation.
What else defines Indiana Jones? Well… Nazis. I know most people would say, “Well Temple of Doom didn’t have Nazis…” and to that I say ‘touché’. Temple of Doom certainly did NOT have Nazis. This, however, is why Temple of Doom still stands as my least favorite of the original three movies, though I definitely respect it and cherish it as if it were my child… though my third favorite child.
That would mean this newest film was the unexpected mistake of a child… but I digress.
Alright so what’s my beef with the newest Indiana Jones film? For one I thought the script to be nothing less than trash. It all seemed a bit… not Indy. Where were the witty one-liners throughout? That was a small part, I suppose. What really bothered me was the general plotline. Here is where the primary spoiler comes.
Really?
As soon as I came to realize this, which didn’t take long (You discover this fact not long into the movie), I knew that Mr. Lucas had left his greasy fingerprints all over this. Was Star Wars not enough that you would have to put your damned extra-terrestrials into everything you do now? We get it! You made Star Wars! Want a cookie?
I honestly don’t know why Steven and Harrison agreed to do this story… I mean there are tonnes of other artifacts and ancient stories that could have been more… archaeological. Correct me if I’m wrong, but the past Indiana Jones films had a certain feeling of awe surrounding ancient artifacts and the power flowing from them. An alien skull seems a bit… I don’t know… I guess it would have made a better X-Files film.
Another thing that bugged me about the newest installment was the unbelievable factor. Some would say “What, and triggering an elusive trap and running away from a boulder wasn’t unbelievable?” or maybe even “What, just because Short Round claims there are “No more parachutes!” you are able to survive a 20+ story fall from a plane with only an inflatable dingy?”. Again - touché. But to survive not once, not twice, but thrice over waterfalls of ascending magnitudes… there seems to be a problem. I mean sure a couple could have survived. Perhaps the younger folk. But for crying out loud, one was an invalid! He probably couldn’t even wipe his own ass in that state let alone be able to swim and get back into that car-turned-white-water-raft. Again I digress.
The whole Alien thing really turned me off of what, in my opinion, Indiana Jones should be. Harrison Ford did a great job once again as Indy. He can still fill those shoes. It’s just the script didn’t allow Ford to do it justice. It wasn’t the same Indy.
By the end of the film I was half expecting a light-saber battle and Han Solo jumping out of nowhere proclaiming he was Indy’s great, great, great, etc. grandfather. Maybe even a bit of Jar Jar Binks in there somewhere.
It just wasn’t… epic enough. Raiders and Last Crusade had the whole “If we don’t find this thing first, the world is going to end.” This one merely had a “If we don’t find this thing first, some chick is gonna be super smart, but she’ll die anyways cause she can’t handle it.” Although it always happens. They got that right, at least. Bad guy still gets there, tries to utilize whatever object, and meets their untimely end.
Oh and one last thing. A refrigerator? I don’t care if it’s lead lined. That was just… was it really necessary?
Sigh. Some things, I think, are best left alone – preserved in their glory.
0 comments:
Post a Comment